I know it’s been forever since I blogged, and I do apologize for that. It has been a whirlwind sort of time, and I have been totally wrapped up in myself it seems. Many days I had absolutely nothing of any import to share, and other days I simply did not have the energy to say a word. Other days I was too busy living (and I mean LIVING) life to write.
But here’s the skinny (pun intended!): I am 3 months post-Lap Band surgery, and I am down 30 lbs. YAY!!!! I am really proud of myself, and thank my family and friends (especially Chris) for all their support and encouragement. Many, many things have changed and so far all of them for the better. I am wearing clothes that I have had in bins for over 2 years. When I started this journey, I was a size 18, just edging into a 20. Now I am an 18 almost down to a 16. That might not sound like much size change for a 30 lb loss, but the mirror and my body say differently. I do not have all the rolls on my tummy that I did before, my face is slimmer, and my thighs are smaller. I started going to Jazzercise but have not been in a few weeks. Originally due to my health — my Fibromyalgia has been flaring up almost constantly and I am exhausted a lot. But there is a healthy dose of “just don’t wanna’s” thrown in there too. Somedays after work I just want to go home, put up my feet, and drink a Lime-a-Rita, even though I know I would feel better if I went to Jazzercise. I love it, even if it does kick my butt.
So… love/hate. I tell everyone I have a love/hate relationship with my Lap Band. I hate that I cannot eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much I want. And I LOVE that I cannot eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much I want. Because even now, 30 lbs down and 3 months in, I want to eat. There are days when I wish I could eat all day, and eat a LOT. I still have the same cravings I did before the Lap Band — they do not miraculously go away. The only difference is that now, I simply cannot eat the same way. My band has 5.5 ccs of saline in it. Still not a lot, but enough that I definitely know it’s there. The hardest part is not knowing exactly what I will be able to eat on any given day. Some days my band feels tighter and more sensitive than others. One day I might be able to eat grilled chicken, then 3 days later I cannot. Some days I can drink normally; other days it gurgles in my throat and I have to drink incredibly small sips and it takes 20 minutes to get a 10 oz protein shake down. That’s just part of banded life. So far there are a few things I can always get down: salad, eggs, tamales, spaghetti, and cooked vegetables. Things that make my Band angry: anything with a bun/bread, potatoes of every variety (I miss my fries!!!), tortilla chips, and sometimes rice. Even though I might really want to go out to eat and gorge on yummy food, it’s not going to happen and for that I am immensely grateful. I am not grateful when I cook a relatively healthy and yummy dinner for my family every night, and 3 nights of out 6 I cannot eat more than a couple bites. But I am thankful that I am cooking healthier meals every night at home rather than eating fast food 3 times a day. I am thankful for sitting around the dinner table with my family and enjoying conversation. I am eternally thankful for the feeling on control this band gives me. It may be in control, but it lets me think I am and those who know me, know I have to be in control 🙂
Here’s an example of love/hate. City boy Chris had never been to a rodeo in his life (crazy, I know!!!) so the boys and I took him to the “be all, end all” of rodeos — the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo. We watched the rodeo, saw Brantley Gilbert in concert, shopped at the merchant booths, and rode the carnival rides. It was a blast. Throughout all this, “we” ate a giant corndog, cotton candy, ice cream, brisket nachos, sno cones, Strawberr-a-Ritas, lemonades, a turkey leg, and a sausage on a stick. I had a bite of every single one of those items. A BITE. (Well, 3 bites of corn dog) Not because I did not want more but because that day, nothing was going down easily. One bite was all I could handle. So while I really, really, REALLY wanted to eat more, I could not — and I did not need that stuff. I had my taste of it, and it was really good, just how I hoped it would be. My craving was satisfied, it’s just that my mind wanted more. It will take a while to convince myself that my mind does not know what it is talking about and it should just shut up, listen to the Band, and go with the flow.